[ Print this article ] [ Send this article ]
By Seth Brown
Normally, a discussion of how Jews deal with Christmas would start by mentioning Hanukkah. However, for parents whose children find themselves celebrating a different holiday then all their friends, an analogy to Passover is appropriate.
In the Passover Haggadah, we read about the four children, and how best to teach our heritage with each type of child. Likewise, there are four types of children who might be celebrating Hanukkah instead of Christmas, and there is an appropriate way to share our traditions with each of them. The wise child asks, "How will we celebrate Hanukkah this year?" The wise child understands that your family shares this special holiday, even if all of his friends seem to be celebrating something else. He may understand some of the tradition behind it, but is eager to know more, and excited about celebrating together with your family.
You should encourage the wise child as much as possible, for he is willing to learn and wants to understand. Explain the full Hanukkah story to him, and let him participate as much as possible. Have him not only light candles and spin dreidels, but have him tell you why we celebrate in his own words once you have said the prayers together.
Share with him the full story of Hanukkah, the story of Judah Maccabee. King Antiochus wanted the Jews to abandon their religion and worship the Greek gods instead. Judah formed a small rebel band who took the name Maccabee (literally, "hammer") and refused to bow to Antiochus and his idols. They eventually drove the Syrians out of Israel, and then went about the business of rebuilding their temple and cleaning out all the Greek symbols. This rededication of the temple is how the holiday got its name, Hanukkah (literally, "rededication").
The uncooperative child asks, "Why can't we celebrate Christmas instead of Hanukkah?" In some Haggadahs, this is referred to as the wicked child, but this description is not helpful in our case. A child is not wicked for wanting to celebrate the way all of her friends do. However, she has a low opinion of what she considers "your" holiday, and wishes only to enjoy the fun and presents that her friends get on Christmas, caring nothing for the Jewish tradition.
You should patiently explain to the uncooperative child that Hanukkah is her holiday. She may say that Hanukkah is stupid, but really she is just jealous because her friends celebrate Christmas and she feels left out. The important thing to do with her is to make her a part of the holiday as much as possible. If she persists in asking why other people celebrate Christmas and you celebrate Hanukkah, compare it to birthdays. Ask her if she is upset that she doesn't get presents for her friends' birthdays. The key is to teach her that Hanukkah is not "less fun" than Christmas, it's just a different holiday -- and a tradition that she happens to be a part of. If she is still feeling left out, invite a few of your child's friends over for a Hanukkah party. Sufganiyot (homemade jam-filled donuts), latkes with applesauce, and Chocolate gelt are a sure-fire hit for the little ones.
Share with her the traditions of latkes and sufganiyot. Both of these traditional Hanukkah foods are fried in oil, to remind us of the miracle of the oil, lasting for eight days.
The simple child asks, "What is Hanukkah, and why don't we celebrate Christmas?" Unlike the uncooperative child, the simple child does not want to celebrate Christmas instead; he is simply curious as to why you do not do so, and what this "Hanukkah" thing is. He does not harbor any disappointment or feeling that Christmas is somehow better, because he does not understand the differences.
You should answer the simple child's questions straightforwardly. He genuinely wants to know more, and you should do your best to tell him. When he asks what Hanukkah is, explain it simply to him, then continue to explain each part (the miracle of the oil, the lighting of the candles, etc.) in more detail when he asks. When he asks why we don't celebrate Christmas, tell him that we believe in something different than some of his friends. Be willing to answer all of his questions as honestly as possible, and by next year, he may be the wise child.
Share with him the story of the menorah, the Hanukkah candelabra. When Judah and the Maccabees finished cleaning the temple, they wanted to light the eternal light (or N'er Tamid), which is present in every Jewish temple. All they could find was one small jug of oil, barely enough to last a single day. Miraculously, the oil lasted for eight days, until more oil could be acquired so the eternal light would continue to burn.
The fourth child is too young to ask questions. She does not know how to ask, or does not realize that there are questions that might need asking.
You should explain Hanukkah to this young child without waiting for her to ask. Just because she is too young to ask about the holiday does not mean that she is too young to participate. On the contrary, if you involve her in the holiday-that is, truly involve her by explaining the traditions, not just giving her presents-she may grow up understanding that you share this tradition without needing to ask. While holidays like Yom Kippur may be a little rough for 5-year olds to observe, there is no reason not to make all your children a part of Hanukkah, however young.
Share with her the game of Dreidel. It comes with a fun song ("Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay...") as well as a fun toy. Little ones enjoy spinning to see if they get nun (nothing), gimmel (all), hei (half), or shin (share). Playing for Chocolate gelt is fun, and when they get older, you can tell them that the letters Nun gimmel hei shin stand for "Nes Gadol Hayah Sham", literally "a great miracle happened there". There is a story about the dreidel game saying that it was used to hide religious studies for the Jews. When the Syrians would come around looking to prohibit Jewish studies, the Jews would spin the dreidel and say, "Look, we're playing a game!" The Syrians, appeased, would let them continue. If your children also have the habit of objecting to religious study, use the same strategy. Celebrate Hanukkah and say, "Look, we're playing a game!" Once they start enjoying it, you will find it easy to ease them into the full meaning.