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[ Print this article ][ Send this article ] A Ceremony to Welcome Our Daughterby Simcha and Geela-Rayzel Raphael We devised the following ceremony to welcome our adoptive daughter to our family. Perhaps it can help you come up with one that is appropriate for your family. A CEREMONY TO WELCOME OUR DAUGHTER BRUCHA HA-BAT--WELCOMING OUR DAUGHTER HALLEL 1. WELCOMING THE ANGELS B'Shem Ha-Shem B'Shem Ha-Shem Elohei Yisrael Translation- 2. A YINGELE, A MEYDELE REFRAIN: Lomir aleh tansten gaye~ Der tateh ~ 3a. TELLING THE STORY THE CHARACTERS: THE GODPARENTS: Phil Wachs & Juliet Spitzer; Mark & Aida Paull. THE WISDOM CIRCLE: Shawn Zevit; Talia Malka; Myriam Klotz; Margot Stein; and Bobbi Breitman. THE MIDWIVES (ROSH HODESH): Debra Baer-Moses; Merle Berman; Shoshana Bricklin; Malka Goodman; Marcia Prager; Vivie Mayer-Deutsch; Sharon Steifel, Beulah Trey; Elana Schachter; Mindy Shapiro; Juliet Spitzer. THE JOURNEY MEN (MEN'S GROUP): Bill Kavesh; Herb Levine; Mitch SANDY--OUR GUIDE (SARA--THE SEER): Sandy Cohen THE COMMUNITY: THE MESSENGER: Lina Zerbarini ABBA & EMAH: Simcha and Geela-Rayzel THE OLDER BROTHER: Yigdal Shalev Jerusalem Jeremiah Paull Raphael THE NEW DAUGHTER/SISTER: Hallel Margalit Nesyah Angel Robin Raphael SCRIPT BEGINS HERE--READ ALOUD BY FRIENDS AND PARTICIPANTS SANDY--OUR GUIDE: How do we explain the awesome mystery of children, parents and families that we are here to celebrate this day? How can we human folk understand why one woman carries a baby, and another family parents the child? ABBA & EMAH (Father and Mother): Oh, Cosmic Source of Life, reveal to our probing minds and questing spirits the unknown secrets of how children are brought to parents. When souls choose to be born, are such decisions made randomly, or is there a pre-determined destiny affecting life, birth and parenting? ABBA: Is the universe backlogged with unfulfilled prayer requests for EMAH: Or does an angelic administrative team purposefully handle all the details? COMMUNITY: This we know... Our sages have taught: "Forty days before birth, a child's chosen soul-mate is announced by the Bat Kol, Heavenly Voice." [Zerah Kodesh, l'Tu B'Av] And from this union all possibilities flow. ABBA & EMAH: Okay, so we know destiny has inter-woven our lives. ABBA: You, the daughter of Mitchell and Natalie Robinson. EMAH: You, son of Harold and Rose Paull. ABBA & EMAH: Clearly, the Bat Kol has put us together. GODPARENTS: That is obvious! Who else could put up with each of you? ABBA & EMAH: When we married, we recognized each other as soul mates, and shared hopes and dreams for a family. ABBA & EMAH: But how are children assigned? What is that mysterious, invisible hand of destiny that links children to parents, souls to families, siblings to siblings? COMMUNITY: Remember, our tradition teaches that as a bride stands under the chuppah, or wedding canopy, all her descendents are visible to her. ABBA: Four years after we stood under the chuppah, Yigdal came along, conceived in Ir Ha-Kodesh, Jerusalem. EMAH: Some of you recall how nine years ago we were blessed with a small boy child bursting forth from deep inside the womb, four weeks early. YIGDAL: I have been the only child, the one who made my mother, an Emah, my father, an Abba. ABBA & EMAH: Yes Yigdal, you are our oldest son, and a very special child. COMMUNITY: But is not the first mitzvah of Torah: "Be fruitful and multiply?" ABBA & EMAH: "Be fruitful"--okay! But "multiply"? And have a two-career family, and write a book, produce a few CDs... and concerts, lectures, workshops... C'mon! What more can two people do? COMMUNITY: Since Torah teaches "Be fruitful and multiply" our Sages, in their characteristic style, ask: how many children fulfills this requirement? GODPARENTS--PHIL & JULIET: According to the school of Shammai: two sons! (M. Yeb. 6:6) GODPARENTS--MARK & AIDA: According to the school of Hillel: a son and a daughter, for it is written, 'Male and female created He them. [Gen. 5:2] (M. Yeb. 6:6) ABBA & EMAH: We began to sense someone was missing from our family. In the moments of pause between phone calls and faxes, there was a growing longing, a yearning unfulfilled. We each come from a family of three children. We knew there was someone else to enter the story of our family life. THE WISDOM CIRCLE: This is the story of mystery and destiny, of knowing and not knowing, of longing, surrender and fulfillment. A story of lessons learned and prayers answered, a journey of faith and disappointment, hope and ambivalence, angels and mortals, miracles and mundane matters. COMMUNITY: This is a tale of love and joy, pain and frustration, of family, friends and community. SANDY--OUR GUIDE: This is how Simcha, Rayzel, Yigdal and Hallel finally came to meet each other. ABBA: When married we took a blended name--Raphael--combining Robinson and Paull. We agreed one child would carry the name Paull & another, Robin, for Robinson. YIGDAL: Paull is one of my many names, a connection with my father's family. EMAH: And I kept waiting for Robin; I just could not let go! MIDWIVES: For six years we heard your story, and rode the ups and downs of cycles of expectation and grief. We held you in our hearts as you shared your dreams and frustrations. JOURNEY MEN: We remember your struggle and pain, your surgery to increase possibilities of fertility. We laughed and cried with you as you told us of times you were asked to leave a deposit of life force in a little plastic container. JULIET AND MARGOT: We were even privileged to give Rayzel the injections she needed for infertility treatments! What a tush! ABBA & EMAH: We still do not understand what happens to souls who choose short term experiences of womb life. COMMUNITY: We remember comforting you after you lost the pregnancy. WISDOM CIRCLE: We offered caring love and spiritual counsel in the healing of grief and pain. ABBA & EMAH: We crafted a miscarriage ritual; we yelled at God; we wrote pages in our journals. We grieved silently and together. EMAH: I wrote a Kaddish and surrendered. ABBA: But all along, Rayzel kept insisting we continue to save Yigdal's old clothes. YIGDAL: I continued to wish for a brother or sister every time I threw coins into a fountain, every year as I blew out candles on my birthday cake. ABBA & EMAH: We deliberated, we pondered, we even tried.... but we could not give up the dream, the desire for another child. EMAH: I'd look at my collection of earrings and weep for a daughter. SANDY--OUR GUIDE: I have walked the journey with many who grew their family through adoption. I heard your prayers, I held your dream, I offered you hope. COMMUNITY: Our tradition teaches: "Whoever raises another's child in their home is regarded by the Torah as though the child had been born to him or her." (BT Sanh. 19b) ABBA & EMAH: But we were hesitant, indecisive. ABBA: Ambivalent! ABBA & EMAH: So much to do, so little time to do it all. ABBA: Summer 1996. Our dear friend Chaim died. So much loss and grief. From out of the wasteland, I found my way to Mystery School, where, with the support of new friends, I was able to re-affirm my vision of a larger family. EMAH: I had to graduate from RRC and eventually leave my job to make space in my life. ABBA & EMAH: It took us almost two years to file papers for adoption. Many of our dear friends who are adoptive parents encouraged each step along the way. SANDY--OUR GUIDE: I waited patiently, I sensed the right time would come. ABBA: I was growing older, closer to fifty than forty. EMAH: I kept on praying. YIGDAL: I still had hope. SANDY--OUR GUIDE: I told you to hold faith, each family gets the right child, no matter how long it takes. ABBA & EMAH: Then on a late spring day last June, our child was born--to someone else. ABBA: Soon, I began to sense that my child was alive somewhere on the planet. SANDY--OUR GUIDE: We had wonderful conversations together, meandering through a process of preparation with two people who wanted to slowly consider all the options. ABBA: After a while I began to feel like a pregnant father, expressed as follows: 4. THE PREGNANT FATHER PONDERS by Simcha Raphael No kicking in the belly Sure I have gained a few pounds Though another's body, another's loins birth you into the world And I shall call you Son, Daughter Never, ever can I remove the empty scar of orphaned life. You, the Orphan I shall call my Child. Praying to birth from within me That I may respond to your cries 3b. THE STORY CONTINUES THE WISDOM CIRCLE: Summer turned to fall, the hagim [Jewish High Holy Days] were just around the corner. Rumor had it you were working on an adoption. Somehow. Sometimes. We even read about it on the Internet. DO NOT READ ALOUD We are a married couple: I am 47 and work as a professor and psychotherapist; my wife is 45, and works as a rabbi. We have an eight-year-old son, and are seeking to adopt a second child. We have completed our home study, and have begun preparations to link up with an individual, or an agency to arrange for an adoption. We are ready to open up our hearts to love and care for a child, to provide a healthy and nurturing home environment for a new member of our family. If you know of any situation in which a child (from birth to 24 months of age) is available for adoption, please contact us either by email: raphael@lasalle.edu, or by phone at 215-848-0358.And, as appropriate, please pass on this email. LINA, THE MESSENGER: "Simcha, Rayzel--there is a Jewish baby available for adoption in New Jersey!!" I read your message on the Internet, and telephoned you three days before Rosh Ha-Shana. ABBA & EMAH: Birth mother: a 17 year old Russian Jewish teenager; birth father, a 19 year old man of German Catholic ancestry. But we didn't yet have all our adoption papers complete. SANDY--OUR GUIDE: That's right! Only at the end of Rosh Ha-Shana did we finish our preparations. ABBA & EMAH: We called. We applied to parent this child. But Sandy told us we had a 5% chance. WISDOM CIRCLE: We prayed with you. COMMUNITY: We waited with you. ABBA & EMAH: At the end of October we heard: we were selected to adopt this girl child. But was she healthy? Who was she? Tell us more...And we waited, almost another month with no news. ABBA: We discovered she had been named Julie by her foster mother, who had cared for 190 babies! EMAH: Then we were told her birth mother had given her the name Angel Rose. SANDY--OUR GUIDE: And that she was cared for by two strong Biblical women--Debra, her social worker, and Esther/Hadassah, her mother's social worker. YIGDAL: On the second night of Hanukah we brought home a present. ABBA & EMAH: A miracle! A six month-old blue-eyed baby girl! WISDOM CIRCLE: We were there to witness the wonder, and the chaos. GODPARENTS: We know it is easier to hang a Hamsa on the wall of your home, or build a new bookcase than to find place for a new baby. COMMUNITY: We were there to welcome her as we are now. ABBA & EMAH: She was initiated by our tribal elders when we took her to meet the grandparents in the primordial land of Florida. ABBA: Now, representing the center candle on this Holy Menorah of Light and Life, I call on Yigdal. YIGDAL: As a proud older brother I want to introduce you to my sister, Hallel Margalit Nesyah Angel Robin Raphael. GODPARENT -- MARK: HALLEL--Praise. Hallelu-Yah--Praise to God! In honor of my father, and Simcha's father, Harold Paull. GODPARENT -- AIDA: MARGALIT--Pearl, Jewel. Named Julie by her foster mother. In memory of Simcha's maternal grandmother, Mina Geiger. In memory of Simcha's paternal grandfather, Myron Palefsky. In honor of Geela Rayzel's father, Mitchell Robinson. GODPARENT--PHIL: NESYAH--Miracle of God. Nes-Yah. Our Hanukah miracle. In honor of Geela Rayzel's mother, Natalie Robinson. GODPARENT -- JULIET: ANGEL--Named Angel Rose by her birth mother. EMAH: ROBIN--We now have a daughter whose name honor's Simcha's mother, Rose Paull, and who carries a link to my family name, Robinson. ABBA: RAPHAEL--Please help us welcome into our community the newest branch on the Raphael family tree. NORMAN: On behalf of the Robinson/Tabecov/Auerbach clan, we welcome you into this family. MARK, AIDA, TAMARA ASHLEY: On behalf of the Paull/Geiger clan we welcome you into this family. LORI: Hallel, we welcome you into the company of strong and creative women. MORDECAI J. & MORDECHAI L.: and into a community of men who are both tender and strong and parent children with love and compassion. BATSHEVA: We welcome you into a community where children are appreciated and loved. JULIE G: where children of different lands and races live together LYNNE: where we honor our elders, and their wisdom. MINDY: We welcome you into a community of artists FRIEND: of musicians, FRIEND: of social activists, FRIEND: of healers. FRIENDS: We welcome you into a communityŠ[PLEASE ADD YOUR OWN SUSAN & MOON: We welcome you into a community of rainbow families, FRIEND: into a community which respects individual choices of sexual diversity. CY & LOIS: We welcome you into a community where men and women respect each other, FRIEND: into a community which acknowledges universal truths encoded in the religions of the world. DAVID T.: We welcome you into a community where there are more women rabbis per square block than anywhere else on the planet. LISA K./MICHAEL S.: We welcome you into a great neighborhood with good neighbors. EMAH: Hallel, my sweet daughter, you are now part of a community where we sing songs of praise and Halleuyah to the Holy Blessed One. 5. ON MY KNEES--FOR HALLEL MARGALIT NESYA ANGEL ROBIN RAPHAEL by Geela Rayzel Raphael, December 1998 Through the tears and the longing CHORUS: As our Father Yaacov Mother Michal was a beauty May you do good deeds among us Our mothers and fathers FINAL CHORUS: 6. BLESSINGS OF THE MENORAH LIGHTS
~ MARK & AIDA PAULL ~ BOBBI BREITMAN MARGOT STEIN & MYRIAM KLOTZ PHIL WACHS & JULIET SPITZER NORMAN & ADINA NEWBERG 7. PRIESTLY BLESSINGS May the Blessings of God Rest Upon You 8. HAVDALLAH--KAYN TI'HI'YEH LANU: A HAVDALAH SONG Hinei el yeshuati, evtach v'lo evhad, La Yah Hayishuah; Al amcha birchatecha, selah; CHORUS: Adonai Tz'vaot eemanu; Misgav lanu; CHORUS Adonai Tz'vaot, Ashrei adam botayach bach CHORUS Hamelech ya'anaynu; B'yom Karaynu; CHORUS: Layihudim hayitah, Orah v'simcha, CHORUS 9. HAVDALLAH--COMMUNITY BLESSINGS Please share with Hallel blessings for 10. LIGHTING OF THE MENORAH/CLOSING CIRCLE FINAL CHORUS: We dedicate this ceremony to our parents Special thanks to all our friends and family who helped with the creation and implementation of this ritual. 
Rabbi Rayzel Raphael has worked for Hillel for 15 years and is now the Rabbi at Leyv Ha-Ir Reconstructionist Congregation in Philadelphia. She is a songwriter/liturgist and sings with MIRAJ, an a cappella trio. Bible Babes A-beltin' is her newest recording.
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